Frank and his mystery girl didn't reappear but he had a key to our flat so we weren't too concerned. We were the last in Hooshang's as the lights went up and Simon accompanied us to the door as we weren't exactly steady on our feet and I felt the need for a ton of stoge to stop me from being beulah.

“Fancy going to Bongo Burgers?”I said to George and Finbar.

“It's Bobby's Burgers and yes I do. I'm starving” replied George. Didn't really need to ask Finbar as he'd eat anything that wasn't nailed down after a few pints.

Luckily Bobby's was just around the corner so we moved our drunken legs as fast as they'd go to arrive before they turned the griddle off and closed up. My heart sank as I turned the corner as they were pulling the blinds down but as Bobby saw us he pulled them back up again and smiled.

Bobby wasn't his name as he was an Iranian who came over to study but something happened and he ended up selling burgers.

Never got his life story as I tend to repeat the same thing over and over when I'm drunk so it sort of stalled on the he was Iranian bit. When sober I'd think to myself “I've got to ask Bobby how he ended up selling burgers the next time I see him” but I was never able to manage it when the time came.

“Hello my friends. What can I serve you?” said Bobby.

“Cheese burger please Bobby” said George but I slurred “they're not called cheeseburgers,they´re called Bobby's cheeseburgers” George replied rather impatiently “I'll have whatever it´s called as long as it´s got the runny cheese sauce on it.”

You see a Bobby Burger wasn't your run of the mill melted cheese slice on top of the burger.

What made it stand out was a special runny cheese sauce that was Bobby's secret recipe and absolutely lovely it was too, so when it came to my turn I ordered one with chips and an onion bhaji.

As I turned away from the counter I saw the bargirl from Hooshang's who was wearing the ankle socks with the fluffy balls on them talking to Finbar so I walked over to where they were standing to get closer to her and even though I was drunk I could see how pretty her face was and as for her body! I might have had to strain my neck to look up at her but she was practically Amazonian.

“Hello, my name´' Jack” I said to her and added “can I get you anything?”

“My name's Jezeball and I´ll have a large sausage, two meatballs and some of Bobby's sauce” so I turned to Bobby with a sort of “can she have that” expression on my face not realizing in my drunken stupor that she was taking the piss but before I could open my mouth she added,

“I'm only joking ya daft thing!

My name's Sarah and I´m OK thanks. Finbar´s already ordered for me” and as I glanced over to Finbar I could see he was grinning all over his face and almost licking his centre parting let alone his eyebrows!

“Finbar's already ordered for me” I thought to myself. I mean I hadn't even seen him at the jump so how did he manage that?

“Do you know each other then?” I said to Sarah.

“Na, I noticed you lot in Hooshang's and as I saw you coming this way I thought there was a chance of Bobby's staying open late enough to get something to eat.”

“OK my friends, your orders are ready” said Bobby and George went up to the counter to collect them and started passing them round. As he gave Sarah hers she said “d'ya fancy coming back to mine? I´ve got ketchup and HP”

“Got any mustard?” I said but she looked me in the eye and then turned to Finbar and said “I was talking to Finbar” and as she said his name his eyes lit up and I could imagine his trouser buttons holding on for dear life as the sound of her voice travelled south. You can imagine how I felt.

“Do you like mustard?” she asked Finbar.

“Yeah, I like a bit of mustard” he replied as they moved towards the door together and as Sarah linked her arm with his she turned towards me and George and with a glint in her eye and said “well, I haven't got any but I´m sure I can think of something that'll make your eyes water though pet!” and off they went.

Me and George looked at each other as if to say “guess who're the gooseberries again?” and headed out to the street to wave down a cab. We didn't have to wait long which was a touch as it'd started raining and as I sat in the back looking out of the window at the empty streets warming my hands with my burger and chips I turned to George and said “ who was that girl who Frank went off with then?”

“Never seen her before” he replied looking like he was only thinking of his burger and bed.

“She called him Francis” I went on but George was almost asleep and didn´t answer. I sat there drunk watching the rain run up the window pain of the taxi like it does for some reason unbeknown to me thinking “how can he not be interested in a girl who looks like that and can part a crowd by just being there and she´s gone off with your mate to boot?”

By the time we reached the flat George was asleep so I paid the fare and woke him up and then we went into the dark flat and I felt sort of down. I mean Frank had gone off with some stunning mystery woman and Finbar was no doubt getting his eyes watered and here was me sitting in a dark, empty flat with a lukewarm onion bhaji.

I heated up our supper and after he´d eaten half of his George went to bed to leave me on my own. The burger and the thought of women had perked me up a bit so I thought I´d stay up a while longer and turned on the telly and tuned into the cable channel.

We didn't subscribe but late at night they'd show porn and apply less scrambling to try and get you interested and as a consequence you could just about make out what they were doing if you stared long enough.

I'd been watching for about five minutes and was in the middle of contorting myself a la bloke who can fit into a box to try and make out what was happening on the screen when I heard the key in the lock and there was Frank.

“Got anything to drink Jack?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure Frank. Vodka, Gin or Whisky?” and put the bottles on the table with just the one glass as I couldn't face anymore booze.

Frank picked up the glass and the bottle of whisky and poured enough to fill it almost to the top and then downed it in one slapping his chest and making a sort of aargghh noise as he did so.

“How did it go then? I asked. He looked at me with no expression and said “how did what go?”

I felt I'd intruded but alcohol and curiosity were getting the better of me so I went on “you know. How did it go? You know, did you...?”

“Did I do what exactly?” he said firmly but not threateningly.

“OK I can see you don´t wanna...” but before I could finish he interrupted and said “I didn't say I don't wanna talk. I just don't wanna talk about her” and poured and drank another whisky.

“What time´s the meet tomorrow?” he said as he rose up from his chair with the whisky bottle in his hand.

“When my head thinks it´s safe but I'll call you if you like.”

“Fine” he said and made his way upstairs to the spare bedroom.

I turned the telly off and sat in the chair for a while staring at the wall as my eyelids fought to stay open.

It'd been an eventful night which in some ways I didn't want to end but at the same time I couldn't wait for the morning to find out what had happened to Finbar and of course to learn more about Frank´s mystery woman.