We always ended up in Hooshang's and every time we approached the door I'd get that feeling like butterflies in the stomach and tonight was no different. Even though we'd been going there for yonks and knew the doorman I was always thinking about the dreaded knock back.

Simon the doorman seemed to know this and delighted in making us sweat on getting in and as I approached I thought is this the night he gives it to us?

Big lump he was who looked like he did most of his bouncer training in McDonalds as his gut was so big the sight of his dick and his feet must have been distant memories.

Come to think maybe that's why he didn't seem to be embarrassed wearing white socks with his black suit and when I say white I mean white. Put the smart arse who always gets her smalls whiter than white on those soap ads on telly to shame they would. Must have eaten something nice as he seemed to be in a rather good mood coz when we got to the door he waved us straight up the stairs.

“Cheers Simon” I said as I passed, “get you anything to drink?”

“Yeah, get me a brandy and coke, diet coke” he said and patting his belly added “gorra take care of yourself haven't you?”and laughed a big belly laugh.

Hooshang's was decorated like you'd imagine a nineteenth century brothel would be. Very dark with purple walls which looked like they were made of velvet and with a long staircase going up to the bars and dance floor. We checked our coats into the cloakroom and when it got to my turn I asked the girl behind the jump if she could hang my umbrella on the hanger as well.

“That's two items so you'll have to pay twice” she said looking everywhere except at me.

“Good job I'm not wearing a hat then “I said as I dug into my pocket searching for change.

All I got from her was a ticket and “next!”

Mind you, don't know what I was expecting although I thought my wit was worthy of at least a smile.

It was my round so I made my way to the bar and as I got closer I noticed a new bargirl who looked like she'd taken an overdose of growth hormones as a kid coz she must have been six foot four kneeling down and had legs that went all the way up to armpits.

She had the club uniform on which consisted of nothing much in pink although she'd added a personal touch by wearing little ankle socks with what looked like fluffy balls on them. I ordered the drinks and asked her about the balls on her socks and she said

“they stop your socks slipping down inside your trainers” and then added in a matter of fact sort of way “that's why there's none on my knickers.”

I was like “did she just say that” as I felt my cheeks start to glow with the heat of embarrassment and as she leant across the bar to give me my change she said “I was only joking love.”

I racked my brains desperately hoping that something witty would pop out of my mouth but nothing did so I returned the smile and set off with the drinks.

“You seemed to be getting on well with the new bargirl” said George as I handed him his drink and for a second I thought about telling them what she said but knew if I did I'd have spent the rest of the night getting ribbed and goaded into trying to find out how slippy her knickers really were so thought better of it and just said “yeah, she seems like a nice kid.”

At that moment Gerry the bouncer who was the size of a small house and walked like he was balancing a couple of Jaffas under his armpits came over to say hello.

“Ya alright lads?”

“Yeah, great Gerry” I said and introduced him to Frank.

“This is Frank and he´s in the same line of work as you.”

“What you shag girls for putting them on the guest list for a living do you?” said Gerry as he shook Frank's hand.”

“Nah” replied Frank “ in the clubs I work they shag me for taking them off” and from that moment they seemed to get on like a house on fire and were straight into talking about bouncing and swapping stories of near death experiences so I decided to join Finbar and George who were stood on our usual plot above the dance floor.

We'd plot up in this corner where you could see the whole dance floor and rest our drinks on a shelf and to me it was like being in seventh heaven.

Cold lager, girls and a bang on tune!

Only problem was that Hooshang´s rarely played a bang on tune but the lager and the girls seemed just fine. In fact the girls were getting prettier by the drink and I was getting to that stage of drunkenness where I might actually dance and I was just about to set off for the dance floor when I heard a commotion going on from the other side of the club and as I glanced over I could see it'd kicked off and that there were a group of blokes trying to knock seven bells out of each other.

Gerry was in the middle of them trying to calm things down and just as it seemed he was winning them over a bloke whacked him on the head from behind and he almost fell to the floor.

At that moment Frank appeared from nowhere and flew into them smashing anything within reach of his fists. This seemed to give Gerry a second wind and he was up dishing it out with his flaying fists within a whipstitch.

As he landed a clean punch on one of the blokes I saw blood splatter across a girl's white dress who was standing too close for comfort and remember thinking I was glad I was out of harm's way.

Frank helped Gerry kick out the trouble makers and when things returned to normal they both joined us for drinks and then more drinks all the time recounting stories of the best and worst club brawls they'd been in.

They were both on a roll stopping only to buy more drinks and just as I was about to look for something to lean on I heard a woman's voice shout from somewhere behind me “Francis” and as she did so the crowd evaporated in front of my eyes like those guys wearing top hat and tails would do in those old Hollywood movies as the starlet walked down the stairs and there she was, an absolute stunner.

Blonde wavy hair cut to caress her neck, eyes like they´d been nicked from the Rockefeller Rock and a body shaped like Venus after 6 months at a Wellness.

She walked over to Frank took him by the hand and without saying anything disappeared into the crowd with him.

Like I said, I was taking a shine to him but now things had got a whole lot more interesting.