“Look out Zach, you're almost on the hard shoulder!” I shouted as we were about to go cross country. “I thought you said you could drive a van?”

“I can man but this ain't like no van. It's like one of those juggernuts man!”

“I think you'll find they´re called juggernauts” said Finbar.

“Yeah, like one of those man.”

We were on our way down the M1 to London in a van we'd hired with Zach driving and me and Finbar wishing we'd worn Pampers. The hire company had overbooked so upgraded us to a high sided 3 tonner and with the wind it was dancing all over the place making it difficult to steer. When Zach started chanting “om mani padme hum” I knew we were bang in trouble.
“Should we start to worry Zach?” I enquired holding onto the door handle so tight my fingers had gone numb.

“Like where's the fucking stick thingy like man?

This driving is like all hassle man!” he almost shouted trying to find the gear change which was positioned behind him. You see Zach never really shouted. It would be like too much of a negative vibe man.

“Yeah, we've definitely got to start worrying if he's swearing” said Finbar who looked like he was gonna go into a jig at any second.

To say it was the longest journey of my life is an understatement and seemed akin to watching Bismuth 209 decay.

It actually took us about five hours to get London and we had our hearts, kidneys and livers in our mouths the whole way. Have to say I felt sorry for Zach as he'd never driven anything so big before and it must have taken a few years or Mahā-Yugas or whatever he measured time in off his life.

Mind you, credit where it's due. He got us there and even found my brother's flat in Child's Hill where me and Finbar were gonna be staying until we found a place.

As we pulled in I heard “hey Jack, got here in one piece then” and looking up I saw my brother Tommy who must have been watching out for us waving from the first floor window of the block in front of us.

Tommy was a couple of years younger than me and where as I was dark and skinny he was blonde and stocky but we were about the same height. Average!

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“Yeah and ask Sean to make us a cuppa tea will ya? I'm spitting feathers!”

Sean shared the flat and I knew him from visiting my brother on the south coast when they were both studying there. As we say where I come from, you could see the Irish in him. Tall with fair skin and a mop of curly red hair. He was an engineer who did something with video production whilst my brother worked for a company that made electronic drums.

Didn't take us long to unload the van as all we had was a few suitcases of clothes and our records. In fact, we had more records than clothes.

“Who's having tea?” asked Sean as we walked into the kitchen after dumping our stuff.

“Got any like chamomile man?” said Zach looking so drained he could have just run a marathon in a bin liner.

“Might if I knew what is was” replied Sean with a look on his face like “who's this guy?

“Well OK man but if it's all the same I'll like pass on the tea man but could share some water and have a pwenk.”

Yeah, Zach used to say things like that. Mind you, better than when he'd say “release the pressure.” That one used to really get on my tits.

He was passing through London on his way to Brighton where he was gonna live in some commune. At least, he wouldn't go short of lentils or chamomile there I thought to myself.

The flat was big with three bedrooms and a large living room which looked out onto Cricklewood Lane. Me and Finbar would be sharing a room which had a double and single bed in it and when I saw him putting his clothes in the wardrobe next to the double bed I said “don't even think about it. Yours is the single in the corner.”

“But what about my bad back” he replied smiling.

“Won't be as bad as your gonads if I nudge them up to where your ears are” I joked and as we laughed Zach came out of the bathroom and said “better hit the road like man and I won´t be coming back no more no more” making a noise like he was doing a Muttley impression which was the nearest he ever got to laughing.

“You left this dimension a long time ago” I thought to myself.

We all went outside to see him off and as he started up the van I said “well, thanks for the lift Zach and good luck with your new life. Oh and don´t give up on the poetry. That biscuit one's been an inspiration” and as he drove off the gears made that horrible jeering noise like when something gets stuck in a mincing machine.

He stuck his head out of the window which was rather risky seeing as how he'd nearly killed us half a dozen times driving down from Sheffield, looked back towards us and shouted “hey man, like far out. I´ll like phone you when I'm like settled man.“

Must have been getting confident I thought as Sean said “do they have phones in communes?”

“Ain't they all psychopathic in those places?” said Finbar.

“Telepathic innit?” I said not knowing if Finbar was taking the piss which he probably was.

Just then the phone rang.

“Can you get that Jack” said Tommy “I need a shosh.”

I picked up the phone and said hello and the voice on the other end said “I see you made it to London then Jack as in Jack.”

Only one person had ever greeted me like that. Frank!

“Hello Frank, how did you get this number?”

“George gave it to me.”

“How's it going? Did you take the job in the wine bar after?”

“After what!”

“After nothing. It's just something we say in Cardiff.”

“Yeah but I ain't working tonight. How about we meet for a drink later. I've got some things to do first in Hampstead which ain't far from you. We could meet in the Tree of Life.” It's five minutes walk from Hampstead tube.”

“OK yeah. See you there about half eight.”

“Who was that?” asked Tommy as he brought in large mugs of tea in for me and Finbar.

“His name's Frank and he's a friend of George. We're gonna meet for a drink tonight if you fancy it. Any idea where the Tree of Life is?”

“Yeah, me and Sean have been there a few times. Does a nice pint of wallop."

Spent the rest of the evening settling in, had a quick shower and off we went to the Tree of Life to meet Frank.

Now the Tree of Life was rather unique. As me, Tommy, Sean and Finbar walked in it was as if we'd been transported back in time to the nineteenth century. The place was all wood and had that musky smell old places and old people seem to have and on top of that it had gas lighting. Yeah, you heard that right, gas lighting.

My grandfather had told me about gas lights when I was a nipper and about how lamplighters would go around neighbourhoods at night and light the street lights with a wick on a long pole but this was the first time I´d ever seen them and it was noticeable how they'd dim and flicker as the pressure dropped.

The only thing that reminded you that you weren't actually a character in an Arthur Conan Doyle novel was a fruit machine near the door and I have to say what a reminder. Stood out like someone with talent on a Got Talent show it did although it looked rather lonely and could have done with the old dear from Donkey to keep it company.

As I looked around I noticed a corner with shelves and rushed to plot up before anyone else got in there.

Yeah, I felt right at home and if that wasn't enough as I went up to the bar to get the first round in I saw that one of the bar staff was a really pretty girl with long curly dark hair and a body that could keep you awake at night....... or rather a fortnight and as luck would have it I was next in line to be served.

“What you like?” she asked with an accent I couldn't quite get.

“I'm alright I think” I replied and as I looked at her I saw that she had piercing black eyes.

“No! I mean what you like for to drink”

“A pint of Guinness, a Benskins and two bottles of Lowenbrau. Oh and a packet of dry roasted please.”

She went to move away but then paused and turned back to face me and said “Could you repeat please? Today my first night.”

“OK. We´ll do one at a time if you like starting with a pint of Guinness” and as she started pouring it I asked her where she was from.

“I from Roma and here for to learn English.”

“To learn English you mean” I said but she looked at me like I was simple and replied

“That's just like I told you isn't it.”

She said her name was Aria and that she´d been in London all of a week and I have to say I was smitten hanging on to her every word. Together we got her through serving the round although we both forgot the dry roasted and as I pocketed my change she said “I here all night if you like some more” and smiled.

“Oh by Christ, that accent's just doing me in” I thought as she turned to serve another customer.

I took the drinks back to our lean and Finbar piped up with “you've started drinking skull attack in twos I see. Now you know if you carry on like that you won't be able to get the pop!”

“Whatever do you mean and anyway, why would I be worried about getting the pop?” I replied

“Come off it Jackie boy. The last time someone took so long serving you you called the police!”

“You know me. Just trying to be helpful that's all.”

“Poor girl doesn't know what she's in for” said Tommy.

“Relax everyone. Let's not run before we can walk shall we” I said.

“Or shag before we've had a fiddle” said Finbar.

“I thought I was supposed to be the grubby one” I countered.

As we drank and chatted I couldn't help glancing over to Aria hoping that I'd catch her eye. At the same time I was getting butterflies in my stomach as I racked my brains trying to think what I could say to ask her out and the ribbing I was getting from the lads wasn't helping at all.

You see every time I'd like someone I'd convince myself that they liked me too only to get the big saucepan when I'd pull up the courage to actually talk to them. It was always a big saucepan as when I got knocked on the head it was more of a “are you out of your tiny mind?” rather than a “sorry I'm washing my hair for the rest of my life.”

“Hey Jack she's coming this way” said Sean and I turned towards the bar with a sense of anticipation mashed up with a severe case of nerves.

I was in the corner with the lads obscuring me somewhat and as she walked she seemed to do so in slow motion like something out of a Matrix movie. Every step she took seemed to take longer than it would to read a chapter of War and Peace and as she came closer my heart started beating faster and faster until I felt as if I was part of a Native Instruments catalogue.

“Scusa” she said to Finbar who moved out of her way and then coming right up to me she said

“You forgot the toasted nuts” looking at me directly with those deep black eyes as if the lads weren't there.

“Yeah, thanks Aria. How much are they?”

“You no for to worry. I present you with them.”

“Thanks, I owe you one” I replied knowing my cheeks had gone a deep shade of purple.

“Yes you does” she replied smiling and turned to go back to the bar.

I was in seventh heaven and it felt like there was only me and her in the entire world but it wasn't to last as no sooner had she got back behind the bar when the door to the pub swung open and Frank, George and a bloke with an expensive looking camera swinging round his neck walked in.